So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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