the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
