babies were throwing up all over the place
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
no you cant smoke seaweed
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
sex in a hospital.. check
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
