Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
