Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
