I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just want nice things and good sex
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
