you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
