We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we made out on top of his cat.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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