we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
my poor anus
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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