Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
