Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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