We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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