in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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