My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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