I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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