I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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