you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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