I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
