Your face is a jimmy john
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Randomize
