I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
