well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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