Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
