If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
