we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
