if i died would you start the facebook group?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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