Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
