I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
