Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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