Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
