when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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