Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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