Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
