Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
