Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
