im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
