I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
