called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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