Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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