my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this will be a night to untag.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
