I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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