Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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