if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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