i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
