Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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