a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
