wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
