Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
