I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
