ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
