Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
