how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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