I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
