i just google imaged poop.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
