Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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