i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
