So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
