Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
