You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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